Malort made its way to this Central City institution of the debauch when bartender Voddy got tired of having to answer the drunken inquiry of “what’s a strong shot I can have?” As a joke, he brought in a bottle one day to quell this necessity, and to his surprise and astonishment, has made fans out of many patrons. 

Don’t be confused by the name, even though it is attached to the prestigious Hotel — RHB is a well-known hang out for post-shift drinks for industry folks that work in the area. “I originally brought it in for my fellow Chicago bar buddies” shares bartender Roxanne Roberson. They in turn began inviting other patrons to join them in the merriment and now it’s one of the bar’s staples. 

This Rampart favorite is where they say bartender Giovanni Miano begun spreading the gospel of Malort some years back. Miano is the kind of bartender that hates these lists, and come to think of it, probably most of the patrons he’s poured Malort to since his quest began (always accompanied by a demand to down it with “pinkies up”). Regardless, if it weren’t for his steadfast dedication, the ardor in which it currently spreads through the city’s favorite watering holes would have died off long ago, and this map would not be a thing.

For a while Malort was probably the best bet at this literary-influenced bar, but a change in management and new additions to the team have yielded a new cocktail menu that will make the visit worthwhile. No worries though; it seems it hasn’t shaken the days of yore just yet. Kitchen manager Daniel Warsaw has been experimenting with an in-house Malort hot sauce to go with his delicious bar grub, and for the nippy weather, bartender Waites Laseter likes to “spike Hot Toddies with Malort to give it some attitude.”

Malort seekers likely weren’t expecting to find a James Beard Award winning restaurant here — also winner of the Tales of the Cocktail Spirited Award for Best Hotel Bar this year — but alas, Malort discriminates none. The bar manager tends to hide the bottle so it doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb amongst the hefty refined collection of spirits they carry. But trust us, we’ve seen the bottle with our very own eyes. 

The unassuming dive bar in the heart of the French Quarter goes through about case a month, apparently. But fret not, sustainability practices have been put in use. Spot the vintage lamp by the door crafted out of one of the many empty bottles consumed since the bar’s popularity peaked amongst our city’s most classy. 

One of the qualifying characteristics of the spirit is that it feels like a punch in the mouth, and tastes like “heartbreak and disappointment.” Considering come Sundays MRB’s becomes the go-to hub for all kinds of football fans, Who Dats and imports alike, it seems appropriate to have it handy — especially for those Chicago Bears fans. They’ve probably been hitting it hard this season. 

Similar to Malort, it has been said that the Lower D corridor is where hopes and dreams come to die. Many like to credit Chicago bartender Michael Polino for introducing his cultural staple into the fitting lifestyle of this 24-hour watering hole where night-walkers gather after the city has called it quits. The fan slogan “drink Malort, it’s easier than telling people you have nothing to live for” is akin to watching the sunrise from a barstool at the Abbey, so just embrace it.