Brett Anderson Hates Fried Seafood Platters

Seafood spoken word artist Brett Anderson has just unveiled his top 15 seafood restaurants AND seafood dishes in Nola, but he's not finished.  In a fun little rant today, the Times-Pic critic expresses some serious disdain for the 'adolescent raccoon' sized portions of fried seafood that arrive everyday on the city's various, ever-ubiquitous seafood platters:

Some things simply are not meant to be super-sized, and fried seafood is one of those things.

If you're unclear on what Brett Anderson thinks the majority of fried seafood tastes like, here you go:

The sheer weight of the portion, coupled with the heat it generates, reduces all but the outer layer of seafood—translation: the majority of it—to porridge.

Furthermore, Anderson hates fried seafood enough to call it a crime against seafood in general:

"Just because oysters and catfish happen to exist in the same walk-in cooler does not mean that preparing them in precisely the same way, and then heaping them on a turkey-sized platter with similarly prepared hush puppies and shrimp—and, what the hell, soft-shell crabs—will result in harmony. It results in monotony."

Now let us return to our normally scheduled Kanye-ranting.