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Brett Anderson Hates Fried Seafood Platters

The fried seafood platter is the Times-PIc critic's mortal enemy.

Oh, the horror. Turn Away. Look Away.
Oh, the horror. Turn Away. Look Away.
The Galley

Seafood spoken word artist Brett Anderson has just unveiled his top 15 seafood restaurants AND seafood dishes in Nola, but he's not finished.  In a fun little rant today, the Times-Pic critic expresses some serious disdain for the 'adolescent raccoon' sized portions of fried seafood that arrive everyday on the city's various, ever-ubiquitous seafood platters:

Some things simply are not meant to be super-sized, and fried seafood is one of those things.

If you're unclear on what Brett Anderson thinks the majority of fried seafood tastes like, here you go:

The sheer weight of the portion, coupled with the heat it generates, reduces all but the outer layer of seafood—translation: the majority of it—to porridge.

Furthermore, Anderson hates fried seafood enough to call it a crime against seafood in general:

"Just because oysters and catfish happen to exist in the same walk-in cooler does not mean that preparing them in precisely the same way, and then heaping them on a turkey-sized platter with similarly prepared hush puppies and shrimp—and, what the hell, soft-shell crabs—will result in harmony. It results in monotony."

Now let us return to our normally scheduled Kanye-ranting.