First there were New Yorkers in gloves. And now comes another crawfish-based atrocity to upset Cajun Boy Brett Michael Dykes: The Ikea Crayfish Party. Apparently those pesky Swedes are big into their craycray time, and the infamous purveyors of cheap furniture, doodoo cake, and horse-meatballs are inviting their American customers to an all-you-can-eat 'crayfish' party next Friday, August 16.
The Ikea gods haven't blessed NOLA with a store, but if you find yourself in Houston or Tampa (first of all: sweet heavens, why?), Dykes warns you to stay away from this crawfish horror show. Naturally, this ain't ya mominem's boil, dawlin. In fact, Dykes gives eight reasons why the crayfish party kind of sucks everything but the heads, including this: "Bibs? BIBS?!?!?! F*ck and no." Yes, the Swedes wear bibs AND funny hats to eat their crawfish, which is seasoned with dill and served cold, by the way, alongside the icky fermented fish dish, surströmming, and other delicacies. And while surely some readers will deem Dyke's rant a tad on the xenophobic side (Does Bourdain wear gloves?), it's all a bit of crawfish-defending fun, with one of his readers summing up The Cajun Boy's interpretation brilliantly: "Leave the coonassin' to coonasses."
· Do Not, under any Circumstances, Go to Ikea's Crayfish Party [Uproxx]
· All Crawfish Coverage [-ENOLA-]
Ikea's Crayfish Party [Photo: flickr/Kondo Atsushi]