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Eek...Watch Applebee's Attempt New Orleans' Cuisine

While New Orleans was busy being distracted by the Super Bowl, Mardi Gras, and festival season, Applebee's Executive Chef Patrick Humphrey? whose culinary contributions include something called a Quesadilla Burger? snuck into town to shoot a video series for the restaurant's latest horrifying menu, featuring the Jazzed Up Flavors of Bourbon Street. As you can imagine, the jazzybee menu features all things Cajun and Creole served in a creamy, 2000+ calorie kind of way over pasta/other carbs on a sizzling plate that will melt your hands off if you don't wear an alligator-shaped oven mitt. Okay, not really, but these menu items do include scary Big Flavors from the Big Easy and Big Fun Drinks Worthy of Big Easy Flavors (we don't even know what that means... Oh, it means Margaritas).

In the videos, Humphrey explores "the sights, sounds and tastes of New Orleans that inspired the Applebee's Jazzed Up Flavors of Bourbon Street," which interestingly enough doesn't include a trip to Bourbon Street to scope the real flavors of day old stripper and frat boy saliva. The videos feature ninth-generation shrimp boat captain Spencer Gonzalez, who tells Humphrey about "good" seafood gumbo and chef Kevin Vizard, who accompanies Humphrey to a farmer's market and then must devein the scrimps for Humphrey's attempt at New Orleans' barbecue shrimp featuring garlic, garlic, and more garlic.

Eater is still baffled at how to digest these well produced, yet totally cringe-worthy videos. Humphrey does say, "One thing I got out of this trip is the sense of community within New Orleans...and I think it also translates to restaurants." Which is very true, but then he adds, "Applebee's kind of represents that kind of neighborhood grill and bar." No sir, don't like it.

· All Applebee's Videos [YouTube]
· Applebee's [Official Website]
· All Video Interludes [-ENOLA-]

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